CoLu Week 2016
by LittlePrincessNana
Summary: A collection of glimpses into an AU relationship between our favorite little ball of hatred that is Cobra and the lovely Lucy Heartfilia. All in honor of CoLu pairing week. (Rated M for a reason).
1. Eternity

**Welcome everyone to CoLu week.**

 **First off, I will apologize for the lack of updates on my other stories. A quick announcement that is made with a very heavy heart. I will be taking a step back from fanfiction for a little while. No, not permanently, but a small break none the less. I will work on Sound Pod when I can because that story is so dear to my heart and it's so close to being done. But after an unexpected setback and much deliberation, I decided that I needed to focus some of my time on the personal venture of working on my book that's been calling my name.**

 **This entire week is set in an AU and each post is connected, little peeks into their relationship if you will.**

 **But, onto the reading.**

* * *

 **Day 1 - Eternity**

Lucy glanced around at the emptying store, her head resting in boredom on her hand as she leaned on the cologne counter. _I'm so getting a drink after this._ Lifting her head, she glanced down at the watch on her wrist and sighed. There was still an hour left to go before her shift ended and the store closed. How she'd allowed her brother to schmooze her into this god-forsaken job was beyond her. She'd only been back in the country for a solid damn week before he was throwing her ass to the wolves.

" _It's a great way to earn money during your last semester,"_ he'd said.

" _You'll get a paycheck and have fun,"_ he'd said.

What the fuck ever. The only saving grace was that he so kindly placed her on the same shift with her bestest friend and drinking buddy, Cana. Okay, so yeah. She was earning a much needed paycheck. There was partying to be done, shoes to buy and the _allowance_ she was given was clearly not meant for that. Her grandfather had insisted she not take the paid internship with the small editing house over in Oaktown, to focus on her studies. She was pretty sure that he wasn't aware that her brother, the lazy bastard that he was, had suckered her into filling one of the much needed seasonal worker positions.

It was one of the hazards of being a part of the family. _Dreyar's_ department store was one of the oldest and most respected establishments, catering to the elites and middle society alike. They had stores in most major cities now and had recently expanded into a few of the outlet malls in smaller towns. While she'd been granted the ability to pursue her dreams of an English Lit degree, it was with the understanding that one day she take her seat in running the company.

"Ya know, it's awfully quiet for being only a week out from Christmas."

Cana's voice brought her out of her reverie and she cast a glance over only to give a roll of her eyes. She'd known the brunette since junior high when her father had married Tyra Dreyar and moved her to Magnolia. They'd become instant friends and hadn't missed a beat yet, but there were times she had to wonder about her card-shark, alcohol consuming friend. She was sitting on the ground behind the counter, painting her toenails as if they were sitting in their little two bedroom apartment. "You could always get a headstart on closing procedures," she replied dryly. "And that cra-"

Her words died in her throat when she lifted her eyes and locked onto the most delicious looking morsel that had just walked through the doors. Easily six foot tall, lean build but the tailored slacks and button up dress shirt fit well enough to reveal muscular arms, well-defined shoulders and very toned legs. Skin the color of dulce de leche, thick burgundy maroon hair that was fashionably styled in that messy bed head look.

His face… A strong, narrow jawline and high cheekbones. A thin straight, almost button-like nose topped a wide mouth that was naturally downturned with a bottom lip that begged to be bitten. His narrowed, wide set eyes fit with his latino appearance. He was fucking beautiful, even more so than her step brother and she could freely admit that if they hadn't been raised together she'd be all over that like white on rice. Okay, and if he wasn't of the gay persuasion. Laxus loved men more than she did and that was saying something.

"What are you drool - OHHH!" Cana exclaimed. "Now that's yummy as hell."

"The villages are well aware," Lucy breathed as she followed him when he made his way towards the men's department.

She was pretty sure it was a lot more than just a village that was wiped out in the tidal surge. It was an instantaneous reaction, her panties suddenly damp with arousal. That was a new record, the previous one set by one silver haired, cold as fuck, bundle of sexy as hell that was also known as Lyon Vastia. They'd still be knocking boots if it hadn't upset her close friend and his brother, Gray. And if she hadn't opted to take the semester long course being offered in Italy.

She couldn't help herself as she not-so-subtly eyefucked him as he made his way around the store, her gaze only averting momentarily in the form of dropping from sight when he'd look up as if he could feel the weight of her gaze on him. _Great. I've become Gajy's sister._ That was a clusterfuck from hell, one that her brother still bitched about and she couldn't blame him. Who wanted to pull out, ditch a perfectly good condom and get dressed just so you could go with your boyfriend to bail his sister's ass out of jail? Again? Gajeel was still trying to convince the DA's office to sentence Juvia to a mental facility so that she could get the help she needed. Whatever. This guy was totally worth gawking at and it wasn't like she was going to follow his ass home and sniff his underwear. Him, hell yeah but his underwear? She had standards.

Tall, dark and totally fuckable apparently made a selection and she watched the painful exchange between him and the dumb bitch that worked in _Men's Accessories_. The woman was the worst kind of trifling whores that she'd ever met with her fake platinum blond hair, plastic tits that practically spilled from her top and corset-squeezed waistline. Jenny had been one of Laxus' experiments with heterosexuality and his dumb ass had felt sorry when he ditched her for his current flame of three years. He'd offered her a job and she'd been there since. _Guess the corner wasn't good enough._

"He's totally coming this way."

She glanced over at Cana before her head snapped back up to see that _Fuckable_ was, indeed, heading her way with a bag in hand. She'd been so preoccupied with shutting out the craptastic flirty grins that had been tossed his way and the way he'd so easily smiled with Crack Alley Barbie that she missed him leaving the register. She watched him walking towards her, her tongue sneaking out to wet her suddenly dry lips and her mind scrambled for a way to get his attention when he appeared way too involved with the receipt in his hand. Turning towards the counter, she grabbed for the first tester she came across. Being the innovative bitch she was, she didn't bother to grab for the spray strips before turning back and point blank spritzing the man as he passed by.

At first she thought that perhaps she'd missed him until he paused mid-stride and stood there for a moment, a few too many breaths if truths were told. She suddenly felt bad, wondering if perhaps she'd caught him in the face. That was all she needed. Laxus would have her ass, Gramps would give her a three hour lecture on something completely not related and she'd be forced to work in the office. Probably seated right across from Gramps' office which would mean she'd have to watch his old, pervy ass hit on his secretary. He was harmless, but still. Makarov was her grandfather, that was just gross. "Excuse m-"

"What. The fuck did you just spray on me?"

Lucy was pretty quick on her feet and her wit honed to the sharp dagger it was from years of being the younger sister of Laxus Dreyar. But she wasn't quite prepared for the gorgeous eyes that glared at her. They were a unique shade of amethyst and suddenly purple was the color of the dynamite that demolished the dam between her thighs. The only thing that kept her from acting like the trollop she declared Jenny to be was the sheer amount of hatred filled anger that shot from those bedroom eyes in her direction and venom that tainted his deep, gravelly voice.

She pulled the bottle back up to glance down at the name before turning it in his direction, her hand displaying the small black bottle Vanna White style. "Eternity for Men," she said as cheerfully as she could muster.

He gawked at her, shock evident on his face before his upper lip curled. "Are you a fucking cat in heat? You don't go around spraying people."

 _What a complete fucktard. Figures. He's too beautiful not to be._ She gave a nonchalant shrug of her shoulder before turning back for the counter. "Well, if I had a dick then perhaps I would," she called over her shoulder. "They just gave me a bottle."

"Are you sure you don't have a dick?"

She saw Cana's brows raise with a smirk in her direction before taking the cue to get lost and knew that look well enough to know the guy was probably looking at her like she'd lost her mind. Turning back to find him blinking at her only confirmed it. "Last time I took a piss, yeah," she smirked. "But feel free to find out for yourself."

He blinked again, his lips moving long before two syllables finally made it out. "Did you…"

"Hardly," she laughed. There was no way she was going to admit now that she'd been daydreaming about ripping the rest of the buttons open on that crisp white dress shirt open. The collar and top buttons were undone enough to make her mouth water, but he just had to go all _asshole_ on her. "Just making pleasant conversation."

"They actually let nutjobs like you work here?"

The man actually grinned with his words and her knees buckled a little. Damn dimples got her every time and on him… Yeah, she could clearly envision kissing all up on those deep set indentions on his cheeks. "Not necessarily, special circumstances."

He nodded, a deviant gleam settling in the amethyst depths as though he knew something. "Oh, so you're Laxus' charity case?"

Lucy's face fell and her eyes narrowed. Had he just confused her with the whore he'd just been talking to earlier? "That would be a big fat no," she growled. "Incest is just wrong and I don't have the right plumbing."

"Wait... You're…" he gasped, the color draining from his face as his eyes dropped to her name tag. Those beautiful eyes of his closed and he let out a groan. "Ok, forget that I fu-... That I cursed at you."

 _Aha, Motherfucker!_ His instant discomfort in recognizing who she was gave her way too much joy, but it served him right. "Why would I do that?" she smiled.

"Because you're a nice person?' he winced and glanced at her a little too hopefully.

She laughed and gave a roll of her eyes, her arms crossing over her chest. "You _have_ met my brother, right?"

The man let out another dejected groan. "Intimately."

 _In-intimately? Seriously? Fuck my goddamn life!_ It was her turn to groan in disappointment. Just how many times would she come across another one of her brother's earlier conquests? "Oh," she grimaced. "Well… That, um, that's a damn shame."

His eyes narrowed before a small smirk tugged at his lips and that panty dropping gleam returned to his eyes. "Erik Fernandes," he said as he reached out to offer a handshake.

Lucy started to grab his hand but stopped just shy of contact. The name was instantly familiar and she racked her brain, trying to discern why. She certainly had never met him before. She'd definitely remember that and it just didn't sound like someone Laxus had dated. _Laxus… Why the hell..._ Her mind came to a screeching halt and her eyes widened. "Erik Fernandes?" she repeated as she deftly accepted his hand. "As in, Dr. Fernandes? Like... Laxus' anger management therapist?"

"The one and only," Erik grinned.

She snatched her hand back, desperately trying to push the tingling that shot from her palm directly to the apex of her thighs and narrowed her eyes. While the idea of him having been one of Laxus' lovers was erased, he still qualified for the _do not touch_ list. "And here I was thinking…"

He chuckled and gave her a wink of his eye. "Yeah, sicko."

She reached up to scratch her nose, purposely using her middle finger to do so, before she started to turn back for the counter again. She did have a job to do, unfortunately. At least that was the story she was force feeding herself. "Sorry, I'll just go back to spraying people now."

"But you've already sprayed me, isn't that like marking territory or some shit?"

She placed the bottle back on the tester tray and had every intention of making herself look busy but his words were just begging her to play. She turned her head to glance back over her shoulder. "Could be," she shrugged. "If I had a peen, remember?"

His gaze dropped, his pink tongue darting over his lips to reassure her that he was indeed checking out the merchandise before they returned. "I've got a pretty good fucking memory, Alley Cat," he smirked. "And if it serves me right, you did offer to let me check for myself."

She blinked once. Twice. Five times. Had he just called her an alley cat? His smirk spread into a grin that held all the promise she needed in that very moment. She could care less what he called her as long as she got to see that expression later while he bent her over said alley wall and mounted her like the tomcat his grin implied he was. She turned around and leaned against the counter, a challenging grin spreading across her face. "That was before I knew you were a doctor."

His dimples set even deeper as he slowly closed the distance between them, stopping just short of pressing his body against hers. "Even more of a reason to let me check…."

She visibly shuddered and her breath caught, the drop in his voice going straight between her legs. "C-Cana," she called out. "Tell my brother I had to jet early. See ya at home."

* * *

 **I know, not as long as my usual stuff and for that I apologize. But, this is how our lovely couple met. Snarky little things they are.**

 **Stay tuned tomorrow for Day 2 - Excuses.**

 **As always, please remember to Follow, Fav and Review.**

 **Big Hugs,**

 **Princess Nana**


	2. Excuses

**Welcome everyone to day 2 of CoLu Week!**

 **Thank you so much for the support and awesome reviews. You guys are so awesome and I love you all.**

 **But we're back again in the same AU. They've been dating for three months now. Time flies when you're having fun lol.**

 **Onto the reading**

* * *

 **Day 2 - Excuses**

Lucy threw her purse down on the small entryway table and kicked her shoes off with a few expletives to accompany the torture devices. They squeezed her toes way too damn tight and rubbed at the back of her ankle but such was the curse of new heels. She'd had to have them. Lucy Jimmy Choo's in dusk suede that paired perfectly with the heather grey pencil skirt and white blouse with its matching stripes. She'd been trying to make herself feel better than she did, but there was no amount of designer clothes, shoes or accessories that would accomplish that task.

It had been the day from hell, starting with the moment her eyes had opened. She'd woken to the scene from Carrie in her bed, a whole fucking week early. Blood had been everywhere and she had half a mind to video her ass sleeping. There was no damn way red should have made its way into her thick, blonde locks, but it did match the war stripes that had streaked across one cheek. Then came the task of squeezing her bloated ass into the damn skirt and they just didn't make clothes horns for those _not so fresh_ days. But work, that had been the best. Not.

The moment she'd walked into the door of the executive offices for _Dreyar's_ she'd been slammed. First, Laxus had insisted on having a complete and utter fucking meltdown of the lack of green chai tea in the kitchen. And then talked about women ragging being the epitome of evil. Fuck with a gay man's tea. She was pretty sure there were bodies of the missing coworkers stuffed in filing cabinets and a line of head topped spears separated his desk from his office door. She just hadn't been stupid enough to bother going in to check. It just wasn't that important to her.

Then her grandfather had arrived. Apparently her dearest friends, Natsu and Erza had somehow managed to bust a few dozen walls and ripped the doors to the store in Shirotsume off of the hinges. All in the damn pursuit of a twelve-year-old shoplifter. Can anyone say _overkill_? She'd warned Makarov when he'd decided they would be perfect for heading up security. Her pink-haired moron of a friend couldn't secure himself (or the crazy ass fucking cat he carried around in his backpack) much less anything else. And Erza… Well, she was still of the belief that her very _manly_ friend ate men for breakfast and babies for mid-day snacks. The redhead had a heart of fucking gold, but rough-and-tumble would have described the woman in preschool.

Her entire day had been spent cleaning up her own messes, literally, and those of everyone else around her. She was done. Finished. Overcooked. All she wanted to do was throw on the baggiest pair of sweatpants she owned, a shirt and curl up with the heating pad and a tub of Ben and Jerry's while vegging out to countless episodes of _The Fairy Life_. She hated reality television but that show was the trainwreck she couldn't avoid. It was like watching her life on the screen, the characters way too much like the people that blessed, or cursed, her life. But no. That wasn't going to happen. Not when she had exactly an hour to prepare for her date.

* * *

No sooner had he stepped out of the shower, the tune of Brian Setzer's Orchestra _Stray Cat Strut_ started blaring from the phone on the countertop. He yanked the towel off of the hook and pulled it around him, half-assed, as he scurried over. The smiling face of his girlfriend stared back at him while the song clip went into repeat. She was an absolute fucking nutcase by industry standards and he'd know. There was a degree from Magnolia University and Oxford framed in his office to prove it. It had been pretty much determined in their first meeting that while hella gorgeous, her happy meal had no fries, no burger or nuggets, no apple slices and no fucking drink. She was just the box and the toy. And while they'd only been together for three months, he was pretty fucking sure he was head over heels. She was exactly his kind of crazy in all of the senses.

Reaching for the phone, he tapped the screen with a wet finger before reaching for the corner of the towel that slipped. "Hey, Beautiful."

"Hi."

His fingers paused in their task of tucking the towel's edge into the makeshift waistband. Her lackluster tone was a tell tale sign that something was definitely wrong. She was usually bright eyed, bubbly and full of all of hell's fire. In one syllable, she sounded like death's leftovers and Grumpy the Cat had a fucking litter of mutant zombie kitten/gargoyle half breeds. "Wow, don't you sound like a fucking kid at Disney World."

"I ate the kid at Disney," came her growled response.

 _Yep. Kitgoyles are now running rampant in Magnolia._ He was set to pick her up in an hour's time for their weekly date night and now he was a little on the scared side. Going swing dancing with a pissed off psycho-heathen just didn't exactly sound like much fun. "Harsh," he replied as he reached for another towel to dry his hair. "What the hell did the demon spawn ever do to you?"

"Crapped himself?"

 _That's my girl._ He could practically hear her smartass smirk on the other end of the line. There was never anything like a little sick humor to brighten her spirits. He had to admit, her warped ass sense of humor was what drew him first. Okay, yeah. He'd definitely noticed and wasn't complaining about the fact that she looked like she just stepped off of the centerfold of every fucking Penthouse magazine he'd stolen from Macbeth in their teen years. A natural blonde with a small strip of carpet to validate the authenticity, tits that were made for motorboating, an hour glass figure that even the swiss army couldn't keep time with and better legs than Tina Turner. But for all her good looks, it was her sharp wit and even sharper tongue that sealed the deal. "Valid enough reason for me," he chuckled. "What's up?"

A heavy sigh came from the speaker. "I called to see if I could take a rain check."

That was definitely not a good sign. She never cancelled. Ever. Even when she'd been sneezing her ass off and sounded like a thousand year old man who'd been sucking on an exhaust pipe for nine hundred and ninety-nine of them. Call him weird or fucked in the head, which he absolutely knew he was, but he'd found her positively fucking precious curled up beside him on the couch that night with her Rudolph nose and five layers of blankets. Despite catching the worst case of flu he'd ever had, thanks to her killer kaiju germs, that had been the best date up till then. And the sex that night had been absolutely hilarious. How someone could sneeze and orgasm at the same time was beyond him, it had to be against some law of physics but she'd accomplished it. Snot rocketing out of her nose and all. They still joked about her _squirting_ incident.

"Hmm. I don't have rain checks," he said as he set about drying off. "They were out of stock so I had to go with those crappy standard ones."

"Poor you," she chuckled. "Mine have frogs."

"Are they cats dressed as frogs?"

An exaggerated gasp came from the phone. "How did you know?"

He pulled the towel from around his waist and tossed it with the other in the clothes hamper before grabbing the phone. "I stole a book of them last week from you, don't check your account online."

"I already did, they have your picture up in the post office."

It was his turn to give her a fake gasp of astonishment. "So that's why those old ladies were checking me out. And here I was thinking I was a cougar magnet."

"Oh, you're a magnet alright," she chuckled.

Erik pulled open a drawer and grabbed a black pair of boxers and smiled. Perhaps it was the cheesy inner romantic that she seemed to inspire in him, but he loved her laugh. One hundred and fifty percent loved the throaty sound of her laughter when she really got going, especially when she started snorting. He set the phone down and connected his bluetooth earpiece so that he could dress. "Yep, all the straight jackets come my way."

The sound of her laughter filled his ear once more before she replied with a typical cocky ass response. "Well, you _were_ the one to ask me out first so…"

And he'd fucking ask her out first a million fucking times over again. He wasn't stupid. He knew just what the hell he'd found, but he wasn't about to admit that shit. Not yet, at least. "Hey, you sprayed me. It was obligatory."

"Is it still obligatory three months later?"

 _Definitely not._ He chuckled and pulled a pair of black slacks from the closet, tossing them onto the king sized bed before turning back to thumb through his dress shirts. "Only when it involves a hot ass chick with hair the color of sunlight, a killer fucking smile and a wicked tongue." A contented hum vibrated in the earpiece and he knew she was wearing that soft smile she got every time he called her beautiful. That was the killer. She presented herself as though she knew just how fucking gorgeous she was, but it was as if she really didn't have a clue.

"I could kiss your ass right now."

"Well, if you don't take a rain check," he smirked. "I'll let you kiss it later."

She gave the same heavy sigh she'd used just moments ago. "Tomcat, I wish… I just… I can't tonight."

He'd pulled out a charcoal grey button up and was reaching for the two-toned charcoal and black vest with its matching tie. His brow furrowed in worry and all clothing choices were abandoned. "What's up, Alley Cat? Everything okay? Is there an ass I need to get to kicking? Did you leave me any piece of said ass to kick?"

"No! I mean, there's no asses to be kicked unless you count my brother," she chuckled almost sadly. "I just…"

When she paused, his stomach dropped. He wasn't pessimistic by nature, he preferred the term _realist_. He dealt in reality, not hope, happy dreams, fluffy clouds and skittle-shitting unicorns. And in the real world, people lost shit and he knew just what he stood to lose if she decided this wasn't for her.

"...I have to wash the cat tonight."

His heart stopped and leapt into his throat until her words finally registered in his withering craneum. This… _She better be fucking joking._ "That really isn't the excuse you're gonna go with for cancelling, is it?"

"Well, figured it was better than telling you there's blood all over my apartment."

He could only pray the powers that be up in the capital wasn't choosing their conversation to listen in on. How good would that look? _Psychiatrist and Anger Management Specialist arrested today for helping his girlfriend cover up a murder._ He supposed it didn't really matter. If she was going to prison then so was he, just for the chance of meeting her in the shower from time to time. "Who'd you kill and do you need help hiding the body?"

"Mother nature…"

"Oh," he frowned in confusion. He knew her mother had passed away when she was little. So who was mother nat- The meaning hit and he suddenly felt like a complete moron. "Hold the hell up. You're cancelling our damn date because you started your fucking period?"

"You know, you sure as hell curse a lot for an anger management counselor."

"Therapist," he shot back. "And so says the Queen of crappy excuses."

A soft whimper came from the other end of the line. "Babe, seriously," she sighed. "I am bleeding all over the damn place, cramping like a mofo and I'm bloated like a beached whale. Kinda hard to put anything sexy on."

He could hear her sniffling by the time her little tirade was done and any frustration he might have had fled like a pack of wildebeest being chased by a pride of starving lions. It was never in him before to cave so damn easy to anyone but then no one else had been her. By the time everything was said and done, she'd probably carry his damn balls around in her purse. "And why do you have to put something sexy on?"

"Uh… Our date?"

"Alley Cat," he sighed. "You could show up in a damn potato sack and still be the sexiest bitch in the fucking world." A choking sound filled his ears and he couldn't help the grin that settled on his lips.

"Oh yeah, because I totally want to get laid in a potato sack."

 _Is that really why she's all upset?_ He shook his head and hung the shirt back up in the closet only to grab one of his t-shirts and a pair of jeans. "Hey, who said you'd be getting laid?"

"Your dick?"

Okay, perhaps she did have a point there but then the ability to create soap was bestowed on mankind for a reason and he knew all too well that she had a shower. The memory of her pleasured moans reverberating off of the stone tiled walls sent a delightful chill up the length of his spine and his awakening arousal twitched in his boxers. "Well he can shut the fuck up. I'll go grab chinese, put your baggy fucking clothes on and pull up Netflix. I'll be there in twenty…" he paused and glanced at the bedside clock. It was seven o'clock on a Friday night, she lived clear across town and he had to finish throwing on clothes. "No, make that thirty."

"You don't have to."

Erik knew that. He also knew without a shadow of a doubt that if he didn't and chose to go out with the guys, she wouldn't give him a year's worth of crap for it either. She valued her own independence and respected him for his. That was exactly why he'd fucking help her hide a dead body. Okay, and just maybe because he sort of, kind of was in love with her crazy ass and just wanted to see her damn face. "Lu, I don't have to do shit. I'm doing this because there's this hot ass blonde chick who needs some cuddles."

"Did you really just say cuddles?"

 _I'm so whipped._ "Fuck you," he growled despite the smile on his face. "See you in thirty."

* * *

 **Who knew Cobra could be so fucking sweet? Don't ask how Lucy got blood in her hair, it just sort of happened… spurred off of a real life incident with my daughter. I swear she does acrobatics in her sleep.**

 **And just a little tidbit… the shoes Lucy was wearing. Their name is The Lucy. Gotta love Jimmy Choo (remember to remove the spaces and add a period where it says dot lol):**

us dot jimmychoo dot com / en / women / shoes / lucy - 100 / dusk - suede - pointy - toe - pumps - LUCY100SUE100534 dot html ? cgid = women - shoes

 **Tune in tomorrow for Day 3 - Online**

 **As always, please remember to follow, fav and review.**

 **Big hugs,**

 **Princess Nana**


	3. Online

**Welcome everyone to day 3 of CoLu week!**

 **As before, this is the same universe. I have to admit, I'm kinda liking their relationship lol. This one makes 6 months into their crazed relationship and as always, the fun ensues.**

 **This is dedicated to every one of my readers who've left me a review on my stories. Without you guys, this would not be possible.**

 **On to the reading!**

* * *

 **Day 3 - Online**

Lucy hit the lock button on her phone and slid it into her jacket pocket with a smile. She was giddy, positively over the moon. The half cracked story she'd come up with after the random, sweaty apartment surface check with Erik over the weekend was going over so much better than she'd imagined. Fifty one favorites and fifty nine follows so far and it was posted less than forty-eight hours ago. The number of people who'd come out of the woodwork over her favorite, top secret crackship was astounding. She wasn't alone in her wish to see two of her most favorite characters together. Even better was the fact that everyone seemed to love the crazy smut piece that had been included.

An older man held the door open to the cafe as she approached and she gave a quick thanks in gratitude. People were often so incredibly rude in the city anymore, so it was refreshing to see that some manners still survived. Not that she had any complaints where her boyfriend of six months was concerned. For all of his foul-mouthery, he was an absolute gentleman where she was concerned. Hell, her panties still got wet every time he came around to open her car door. _Who the fuck am I kidding? He breathes and a fucking aquarium is erected in my panties._ How the man could get better looking as time went on was still a mystery to her. Her eyes darted around the fifties style cafe in search of said sexy motherfucker and her smile only broadened when she found him sitting near the back.

Breakfast time rush was definitely in full swing, every table was full and the line at the to-go bar was almost to the door. It was like that almost every morning during the week and yet he always managed to land them a table. He got up early and went to the gym before she woke, so they met there for a quick breakfast and coffee before heading their separate ways for the daily chore of work. She quickly made her way towards their table, skirting around crowded seats and all of the random people between her and him. His nose was buried in the latest edition of psych weekly, so engrossed that he didn't look up until she sat down and reached over to tap the magazine in his hand. _He's the only guy I know that can make thick framed glasses look hot as fuck._

A single thin brow arched over the top of the black frames before he reached up to pull them off, much to her disappointment. "You scare me when you're that fucking happy. What's with the ' _I just ate a baby'_ smile?"

"You're such an ass," she chuckled as she reached over to grab his glasses and slid them back on his adorable fucking face. "I'm happy because of the love and reviews on my latest story!"

He batted at her hand and adjust them on his head so that they sat straight. "Ok, again in english?"

 _I'm so fucking him in those damn things tonight._ That was thankfully the beauty of having moved in together. It was a solid month now and while she missed Cana, it was the best decision ever made. Cana never cooked, even when she was the first home and she just didn't warm her bed the way her _therapist_ did. _Or go down quite like he does._ She crossed her legs and pulled at her skirt, adjusting a little in her seat thanks to the sudden influx of moisture between her legs. "I could swear I told you."

"If you were naked when you told me then I can promise that it went in one ear and out the other."

She blinked, unable to accurately remember if she had been or not. They were usually naked or close to it when they were home. The smirk on his face told her implied that perhaps he was pulling her leg and she just gave a roll of her eyes. If he did indeed remember, he'd just have to hear it again. "I've been writing short stories and posting them online so I don't get rusty."

"Do I even want to know what they're about?"

 _Your fine, Puerto Rican ass fucking me over the kitchen table._ The thought made her chuckle, knowing she couldn't exactly tell him that. Her readers probably had no clue that almost every smut scene she'd written to date came from actual sexual encounters with him. But that's the life of an author. Art imitates life and writing was no different. "Probably not, but I'll tell you anyway."

"Excuse me, Miss. Are you ready to order?"

She looked up at the interruption to find a mousy little thing standing next to the table with pad and pen in hand, the girl's uniform ill fitting in the fact that it hung from her like a sack. The girl was obviously new. She glanced over at the board real quick and pursed her lips. The vienna creme sounded appealing to her but the cafe au lait was screaming her name. She ultimately decided the later would be her best bet. "Cafe au lait, two percent and a strawberry scone. Please."

The waitress quickly jotted down the order and glanced over at Erik's plain coffee mug. "I'll get that in and come back to warm yours up, Sir."

Lucy knew what the girl meant but it was the shy, innocent smile and batting of eyelashes that had her narrowing her eyes. She wasn't always a jealous person but circumstances with past relationships had made her question. Having three boyfriends in a row that fucked around paid no favors to her bruised ego. And she truly did try to not let that affect her relationship with Erik but there were times when out with him that her ire got pricked. Other women seemed oblivious to the fact that they were together. All they saw was him with his mouth-watering build, beautiful caramel skin, oddly beautiful eyes and hair that screamed to be pulled while he had his way with them.

She could even admit to understanding it to a point, she'd done the same damn thing the first time she'd seen him. Hell, she still did when he walked into the room. He was beautiful beyond compare and he was hers. A foot brushed against hers and she looked over to find him grinning at her with that knowing look in his eyes and she sighed. Her jealousy was misguided and she needed to remember that one little fact. He chose her. He left her little love notes under her keys or on her purse every day with those exactly words. _I choose you, Alley Cat._ "Smut, angst and death."

His mug paused just shy of his lips and that brow quirked again. "That's a very… _you_ combination," he chuckled. "I'm intrigued."

"Only because there's death," she replied flatly.

He took a sip of his coffee and shrugged. "And smut, don't forget the smut."

She was incredibly tempted to flip his ass off because she knew he was just fucking with her now. _I'll show you…_ She glanced up as a mug was set down in front of her with a small plate soon after. She forced herself to offer a smile in thanks and waited for the girl to top Erik's mug off before disappearing. It felt good seeing him not even bother to glance in the waitress' direction. "Even if it's about two dudes getting it on?"

"If there's death…" His eyes narrowed for a moment before he gave another shrug. "Hell yeah. What a better way to go? Get boned and then croak."

"You're so fucked," she laughed and covered her mouth when several patrons glanced their way.

He bit his lips to keep from laughing but the dimples in his cheeks dug in deep. "And yet, you still show up to meet me."

"Because I like you," she quipped.

His face fell and he blinked at her. "Just like? I'm out…"

Lucy reached out when he stood up and grabbed his hand, pulling him to a stop before he could actually pass her by. "Shut up and sit back down, you dork!" she giggled. "You know I love you." He rewarded her with a smile he only ever gave her and her heart sighed when he bent down to press his lips to hers.

"Because you're just as fucked as me."

The vibration of his gravely hum against her lips tickled but it was his words that gave birth to her laughter. "Exactly."

The temptation to grab him and pull him back when he pulled away was so damn strong. Kissing him made the rest of the world pale and fall by the wayside. Even the most innocent of pecks were like kryptonite and drugs, bringing her to her knees and leaving her wanting more. Unfortunately curling up in his lap would only lead to more and their very public location nixed that idea. She settled for lacing her fingers with his when he returned to his seat.

"Anyways, what are the reviews?"

She slipped her hand into her jacket pocket to pull out her phone, her fingers deftly sliding over the screen to enter the passcode. There were new reviews sitting in her inbox but she forced herself to ignore them as she scrolled down to the ones she'd read on the way over. "Alright. Mind you, I use your little _pet_ name for me as my pen name on the site."

"Alley Cat?"

She gave a quick nod of her head as she opened the first one. "Yeah, it just fits."

"Because you're my Alley Cat."

"Always," she smiled before looking back down at the screen. "Alley Cat! I think all the panty villages have drowned. Oh my god. I agree Puerto Rican Justin is canon now. I could so very clearly hear the sex drip from his words as he spoke to Lacey. I find that you are too good at pairing her with others because I now love this set too. I can't wait for more."

He stared blankly at her for a few moments before his brows furrowed and his face pinched. "Wait… Who the fuck is Justin?"

 _Nice to know I'm not the only jealous one here._ She chuckled with a roll of her eyes because it was all over a very fictional character. "The guy from my show, Fairy Life."

The scowl on his face only seemed to deepen. "He's a pasty, blue haired haired guy with tramp stamp on his damn face. How the fuck is he Puerto Rican?"

"Well, his last name is Ortiz so I used some imagination."

"Whatever. Continue," he replied with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Lucy gave a shake of her head, knowing he clearly wasn't impressed. She closed that one, saving it for a later response and moved to the next one. "Yes! I love this pairing so much, and there aren't that many stories out there for them. I can hardly wait for part two! Justin with that accent and his silky sexy voice...yes please! Time to get a boat due to the floods! Yes! So excited!"

"The floods?" he blinked. "Please say people died in that shit or something."

And there was the desire for death. She knew her boyfriend entirely too well. "Well," she mused. "I guess you could say they did. In her panties."

"Do you have everyone using that shit now?' Erik chuckled.

"Pretty much," she shrugged before moving on to the next review on the list. "Oh my god I'm so sooo happy right now. You… I love you, the lemon I was waiting for was amazing. Do you ever wonder if people masturbate to your writing? I don't, but I had that thought the other day, and I figured I'd share. Anyways, that was masturbatory material...just so you know."

His amethyst gaze flickered between her face and the phone in her hands a couple of times before he shook his head with a sigh. "You know I have to read this crap now."

"Tomcat," she chuckled. "I promise you really don't want to. This story's not really your glass of cerveza."

"If people are masturbating to it, I need to read it now."

Her face fell and she canted her head, staring at him incredulously. "Seriously?"

"As a goddamn heart attack. Are there anymore?"

She really didn't know whether to be excited or terrified that he wanted to read her work. What if he thought her crazier than he already did? She knew that really wasn't an actual possibility. It was no secret that he already thought her more throwed off than a bipolar, schizophrenic, obsessive compulsive sociopath hitting day sixty without any meds. She pretty much let her freak flag fly high in its glory just so those around her were well aware and claimed to love her all the more for it. "Quite a few but this next one seals all the deals."

"I have no clue what that means," he sighed. "And pretty sure I don't want to but go on."

She stuck her tongue out and chuckled when his fingers squeezed hers. They were so damn dysfunctional but she couldn't imagine it any other way. He completed her in a way no one else ever had or could. She gave him a wink and looked back down at her phone. "Well shit… Your words make girls' panties around the world drop, like literally I had to take mine off and replace them."

When no immediate reply came, she looked back up to find him blinking at her. His face was devoid of anything. No smartass quirk, no grin, no look of complete disgust and horror. There was nothing and she wasn't exactly sure how to take it. He always had some sort of comeback. "Did I break you?"

"Wow…" he finally replied. "And they're so eloquently put too."

She released his hand and grabbed for her napkin to throw it at him. "Shut up, I apparently make women's panties wet."

He stilled and a slow grin pulled the corners of his mouth upwards. "You do, you soak mine all the time," he smirked. "I carry spares with me like a good boy scout."

"I…" she started before falling silent. It was her turn to be rendered utterly fucking speechless. Maybe she should have, but she hadn't seen that reply coming. She'd fully expected pervy and yes, even something smart ass. But those words? Not in a million years and that was exactly why she loved his ass. He kept her on her toes. "Erik?"

"Lucy?"

She grabbed her purse and pushed up from the table, a deviant grin resting on her lips. "Wanna get out of here?"

"You just fucking got here," he hissed as his eyes darted around the cafe before coming to rest on her. "You haven't even touched your coffee or scone."

"Yeah and I can get them to go."

Erik sighs and downs the last of his coffee before reluctantly standing. "Why are we leaving? We've both got work."

Lucy grinned and moved to press herself against him, her voice dropping so that only he would hear. "Because I need to find out just how wet your panties are…"

* * *

 **In case you were wondering, this was taken from a very real life conversation I had with my hubby after some of the reviews I'd received. Just had to change the names to fit for this and voila… an entire prompt LOL.**

 **I really have to thank my awesome readers for their reviews. Each one tickles me to pieces and I love knowing you guys enjoy the stuff I've written. You guys absolutely rock my world and I love you all for it. The love and encouragement I've received, I can't thank any of you enough but it has prompted me to finally work on an actual book :)**

 **Tune in tomorrow for Day 4 - Colour.**

 **As always, please remember to follow, fav and review. Not just my work but those of other authors out there! They need love too!**

 **Big hugs,**

 **Princess Nana**


	4. Colour

**Welcome everyone to day 4 of CoLu week!**

 **I can't believe we're already halfway through this week! I'm so over the moon with how much people have enjoyed these two and yes… Cobra in glasses. YES PLEASE! In this little snapshot of the dysfunctional couple, they've been together for a year and a half.**

 **But! On to the reading!**

* * *

 **Day 4 - Colour**

Erik sighed as he flipped through channel after channel. How could it possibly fucking be that the cable company charged them through the motherfucking ass for all three hundred and eighty-two channels yet not have a damn thing worth watching on? It made absolutely none of the sense. None. Much like his day. Two new patients and three of his regulars had pretty much driven him to the end of his wits. He was supposed to be the anger management specialist yet there'd been a total of twenty-three times that he'd been on the verge of throwing a couple of them out of his window on the thirteenth floor, he'd kept count. Perhaps he was just reaching his limit, burnout happened in his field. A lot more than he cared to admit.

Maybe it was time for a vacation of sorts. It wasn't like he didn't have the time. He hadn't taken any considerable time off in three years. _Or maybe I should get a new set of patients._ He cared about those he saw but some of them were well past helping. Such as the two patients that came as a couple. How the fuck they managed to make it fifteen years together without killing each other was a goddamn miracle. One was a ticking time bomb with her ridiculous obsession with cake, knives and _shanking a bitch_ (her words, not his) for touching said cake. He was pretty sure the other was possessed or, at the very least, had dissociative identity disorder with her three inch nails and creepy ass _Stepford Wife_ smile. There had been a few times she'd started speaking in latin, backwards. That had been interesting. And by interesting, he truly did mean scary as fuck. She needed a priest, not a therapist.

The only saving grace was that it was Friday. That meant no appointments the next day, no need to get up early. He could sleep in as late as he wanted and just maybe he could convince the blonde curled up against his side to join him. He lifted a hand to brush his fingers through her long golden hair and pressed his lips to the top of her head. She was the one thing that kept him from going absolutely insane on most days. It was actually a little strange to think back to life before her. He had zero damn clues how he'd done it. Granted, she was probably more psychotic than any of his patients. But she was his kind of crazy all wrapped up into one hell of a woman. Drop dead fucking gorgeous with the face of a fucking angel and a body that was pure sin.

He turned his attention back to the television and started channel flipping again. Five cooking shows. A show about cars. A show about people and the cars they drive. A show about a dog with a car. A show about a horse who befriended the dog in the car. A show about being stuck in the fucking woods, naked. A naked chef. A chef who likes to cook naked people. _What the fuck?_ A show about killer wives. A show about killer kids, because apparently the damn wives weren't enough. _Ooh. Cartoo- Nope, not watching some fucked up shit about a cat-dog hybrid and what the hell are those? Does that yellow person thing have a dick on its head? THIS IS A FUCKING KID'S SHOW?_

He was on the verge of giving up and just turning on the game console. Killing mutants and feral ghouls just sounded better than any of the bullshit that was currently on the scheduled programming. He flipped the remote in his hand and was going for the mode select button when the channel changed. _Five-O-Three?_ It wasn't a channel he was familiar with and his brows furrowed at the initials on the info bar. _SPTV? Pirates 2, Stagnetti's Revenge?_ It definitely wasn't a movie he was familiar with. The scene on the screen changed from a cheesy CGI pirate ship sailing on what had to be a CGI sea to a man sitting in the captain's quarters. It didn't look like the best quality but it was better than nothing. He gave a shrug and set the remote down on the armrest of the couch.

"What's this?" Lucy asked with a stifled yawn.

"Haven't a damn clue, Alley Cat."

On screen, a blonde woman walked in and it was obvious the man (who was clearly wearing too much base mind you) knew who she was. Their conversation was mundane and Erik had zero clues what the hell was going on. The acting was similar to the crappy ass sci-fi shows that Macbeth had subjected him to in college. He was still trying to figure out what moron had seen a tornado and thought throwing flying sharks into the damn thing would be a good idea for a movie. Of course, he just had to finish watching it. There was a guy with a chainsaw. That made it worth it. It was like Ash and his Evil Dead meets Jaws.

" _Well, I remember pleasuring you pretty damn well."_

His brows shot up with the change in conversation on the screen and they went even higher when the blonde female moved closer to the makeup wearing idiot on the bed. _This isn't… We don't have a fucking porn channel, do we?_ The woman started stroking the man's crotch and the horrible conversation that ensued almost made him laugh. It was definitely porn quality but then a brunette woman walked in and his hopes were suddenly dashed. She was clearly not of Asian descent but she was apparently trying to act as one with her wretched stereotypical impression. The scene suddenly took a turn for the worse. It was as if they were going for comedy but it just came off as an epic fail. The brunette continued her craptastic impression while the guy trying to convince her that he "roved" her.

He was reaching for the remote again, unable to stand the acting any longer when his hand stopped short. The talking quieted down as the man and two women began making out. Granted, it was horrible open mouth kissing that looked drier than the desert but it was kissing none the less. It piqued his interest and he figured he'd leave it. _Maybe it's at least soft… Woah!_ It was a fucked up cut job done by amateurs but he could give zero fucks when the scene jumped to the two women naked on their knees, taking turns licking and sucking on the guy's erection. The camera zoomed in, too close for his liking because seeing some dude's hairy balls up close and personal just wasn't his thing. But it was close enough to see the saliva dripping down the length of his shaft. _Definitely not softcore…_

"Tomcat?"

"Yeah?" he replied distractedly, his eyes locked on the sight of the brunette kissing her way down the blonde's body.

"What's right?" Lucy asked mundanely. "Color or _colour_?"

Erik blinked at the question and pulled his attention away from the television. "What?"

"Well, You know some say _color_ ," she frowned. "And some say _colour._ Which is right?"

He stared at her incredulously, his gaze flickering between her and the three people on the screen preparing to fuck each other's brains out. _She's officially lost every damn marble in her head._ "Uh, both?" he blinked. "Why are we discussing this right now?"

Lucy pushed up from his side and blinked at him as though he were the crazy one. "Because I wanna know?"

"And porn just made this shit pop up in your head?"

"Well, no."

He turned his attention back to the television, trying to correlate the image of the brunette getting her vagina drilled while being neck deep in the snatch of the blonde, with his girlfriend's sudden inquisition. There really was none, unless he took into consideration the _color_ of said snatches. "Does it really fucking matter?" he questioned offhandedly. "Who's right, that is."

A hum of contemplation joined the chorus of sexual sounds coming from the television. "Well, I guess it doesn't really but I still want to know."

"Again," he deadpanned while gesturing to the screen. "There's porn on."

She glanced at the television and shrugged, seemingly unphased. "I've seen this one before," she said. "The blonde gags on his insufficient dick after it's been in the brunette's ass."

 _Wow._ While it wasn't his thing, he would've appreciated at least discovering that crap for himself. "Thanks for ruining it for me, Babe."

"Hey, just looking out for ya," she grinned. "Don't want you wasting your time on crap."

A grunt of disbelief sounded in his throat as he reached for the remote. It was apparent that she had no interest in watching porn and it just wasn't really fun anymore to watch it on his own. Not when he lived with something a million times better than any porn actress. _Welp, guess it's Fallout time for my ass._ "Yeah, because figuring out whether color or _colour_ is right isn't a waste…"

The living room fell into silence and he leaned over to grab the video game controller from the coffee table. He hit the round _on_ button at the top and a sigh slipped past his lips when the console logo popped up on the screen for loading. The menu screen appeared and it hit him that she hadn't moved to get up. He figured she'd most likely go write so he glanced over to find her eyeing him curiously. "What?"

"Would you rather go make our own porn?"

His face fell and he gave a roll of his eyes. They'd had that discussion once and it had ended with a very _firm_ declination in the form of her refusing to add ten more pounds to her _already fat ass_ (her words, not his). In her head, she didn't see the fucking goddess she was. "Yeah, right."

"Totally serious."

Erik stared at her, wishing he had the ability to hear just what was going on in that pretty but fucked up mind of hers. He wanted to believe that her suggestion was honest but he didn't dare get his hopes up. This was the one area she refused to go for. "For real?"

"Yep," she replied simply with a nod of her head. "You find out which is right and I'll let you video fucking me all over the apartment if you want."

He had genuinely never moved so fast in his entire life. He wasn't going to waste time asking twice because there was no damn way he wanted to risk her changing her mind. "Go pull out the fucking video camera and get naked," he shouted as he sat down at her desk. "I'll have your answer in less than sixty seconds."

Laughter accompanied the sound of her retreating footsteps across the wood floor of their apartment and he lightheartedly rolled his eyes as he opened up the browser window. Friday nights always seemed to slow down their connection speed, or at least it did in his mind. It took a measurable amount of self control not to repeatedly click on the fireball icon. He'd done that once and she had an entire litter of kittens when he somehow managed to blue screen her computer. It only took one look at the green shade of her skin, dark circles under her eyes and fog that rolled from her peeling and cracked lips to know that wasn't the thing to do.

After what seemed like an eternity, despite the fact it had probably only been ten seconds at best, the window popped up and quickly loaded the home page. He quickly chicken pecked his inquiry into the search bar and hit the enter button, cursing under his breath when that seemed to waste another second or two of his _precious_ time. A list of sites popped up and he clicked on the first one. Then the second and then a third. They all had the same exact results but just to be safe, he clicked on the fourth which happened to be a forum that discussed the very topic he needed an answer for. Color versus Colour.

He scanned the first couple of responses and nodded when they too confirmed what the websites had said. He quickly clicked on the exit and pushed back from the desk. "Color is American English while _colour_ is British or World English but they mean the same damn thing," he screamed as he ran towards the bedroom. He pulled his shirt up and got it as far as his head by the time he hit the partially open door. "Now give me the fucking cam-" His words abruptly cut off as he froze in the doorway, ignoring the fact that his t-shirt collar was still wrapped around his head.

The buxom blonde that was his girlfriend was lying on the bed, her clothes gone save for the red silk Chinese print robe that loosely clung to the edges of her shoulder. Her hair was down and fanned out on the tops of the pillows she was reclined back on. The moisture in his mouth evaporated and he desperately licked at his lips. Her feet were planted on the bedspread, her knees drawn up and she wore a Cheshire grin as her fingers lightly trailed up the insides of her bare, spread thighs. She gestured towards the end of the bed and he his eyes narrowed on the video camera setting there waiting. "You planned this, didn't you?"

"Never," she chuckled as her fingers lightly slid over the exposed apex of her legs. "I really did wanna know the difference."

He started to call bullshit but quickly thought better of it. Whether she'd planned this out or it was simply a case of spur of the moment decision making mattered about as much as the difference between the two words. Color or colour, he couldn't give a single fuck which was right. His hot ass girlfriend was finally going to allow him to make their own private porn video.

* * *

 **And there you have my interpretation of the prompt. Thank you google and Gemnika for his explanation/reply. But, leave it to Lucy to think random stuff with porn on the television.**

 **Tune in tomorrow for Day 5 - Answers.**

 **Big hugs!**

 **Princess Nana**


	5. Answers

**Welcome everyone to Day 5 of CoLu week!**

 **Hopefully you guys are enjoying all the love that is being given for this awesome pairing. I've come to dearly love the little ball of hatred that is Cobra, even more so in this AU. They are just so damn cute together.**

 **But, On to the reading.**

* * *

 **Day 5 - Answers**

Lucy dropped her purse and keys on the entryway table and slammed the door shut behind her. She didn't care when it rattled the decorative mirror on the wall and she definitely couldn't give a rat's ass that it was the very same thing she was constantly yelling at her boyfriend over. The way she was feeling, she had half a mind to slam everything last thing in their apartment. Pissed had passed a few hours ago and she was well into the 'raging fucking lunatic' stage.

Reaching for the light switch, she cursed when nothing happened and she walked further into the living room. The only light available was the dozen or so candles that lit the dining area and her eyes narrowed. The table was pristinely set with her mother's white linen table cloth and she didn't need to get any closer to know he'd brought out her china. A dozen roses, American Beauties to be exact, stood up proudly from the vase that was set in the middle. Wine glasses were set out in the correct spot and he'd even used the silver dinner utensils.

 _Fucking suck up, like that's not a huge damn sign._ Her lip curled up in disgust despite the lovely aroma drifting from the kitchen. Veal cannelloni with bechamel sauce. It was her favorite dish, especially when he prepared it but even that was not going to brighten her fucking mood. That had since been dashed long ago, since two o'clock to be exact. The swinging kitchen door opened and the subject of her vexation walked out with two plates in hand. His amethyst eyes caught hers and she wanted to claw the damn things out when a bright smile spread over his handsome features, those god forsaken dimples digging in deep into his cheeks.

"Finally, you're fucking home," Erik said brightly as he carefully set the plates down. "I thought this shit would get cold."

She could practically feel the lasers burning her retinas as she glared at him. It pissed her off even more that he just casually went about what he was doing as though nothing was wrong. Either he was really fucking stupid, which she knew for a fact that he wasn't, or he thought her to be. "Uh-huh," she grunted as her arms crossed over her chest and her foot angrily tapped against the wood floor.

He had uncorked the wine and had one glass filled when he stopped short and he glanced back over. "Bad day?"

Calling it a bad day was a colossal fucking understatement and for once it had absolutely nothing to do with her family or the company. Makarov was on vacation with his new girlfriend. Laxus had apparently gotten morning head or something because he'd been all fucking smiles, cheer and rainbow assed unicorns from the moment he'd walked in. The Wednesday morning meeting had gone sublimely smooth, not one department or store head had a single complaint. Security had been on its best behavior, all of the employees had been present and accounted for. They didn't even have a single disgruntled customer lodge a grievance. By work standards, her day had been just fucking peachy until her secretary had returned from lunch. "You could say that."

He seemed to take note of the ice she couldn't conceal in her tone and his brows furrowed. "Well," he swallowed. "Um, go put your shit down and come eat."

"Whatever," she bit out before turning for their bedroom. Stepping out of her heels, she kicked them out of her path on the way to the bathroom. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror and gave a frustrated sigh. She could see every ounce of anger she felt inside, the fires of rage burning brightly in the depths of her cinnamon colored eyes. No one had ever accused her of having a poker face, her emotions and thoughts played out for the world to see. But then, this was something she wanted him to see. She wanted him to know exactly how hot her temper was burning.

She quickly pulled the pins from her hair, letting it fall in loose curls around her face. It had nothing to do with impressing him and everything to do with the massive headache that was threatening to split her brain into two. She turned and made her way out into the bedroom, her steps faltering when her gaze reached the bed. A sick feeling twisted her gut and she had to fight the urge to rip everything last piece of linen from the immaculately made surface. She wanted nothing more than to strip it clean and burn the son of a bitch just to make herself feel better. _Two years. Two whole fucking years…_

"Come on, Alley Cat!"

Her teeth clenched at the call from the other room and her fingers curled into her hand. The freshly manicured nails dug painfully into her palm in hopes to stave the tears she felt prickling just under the surface. She wouldn't cry. Not yet and definitely not in front of him. She begrudgingly made her way back out and refused to even glance his way as she took the seat opposite of him. Her eyes fell to the perfectly created cannelloni and she contemplated spitting in the mouth watering sauce but the rumble in her stomach kept her in check. The only real meal she'd had all day ended up in the toilet in the women's bathroom at the office.

She could feel his eyes boring into her as she lifted her fork and knife but she couldn't bring herself to look across the table. Her stomach was already tied in enough knots as it was and she was teetering on the verge of exploding. She forced herself to slice into the pasta roll and brought a tiny bite up to her mouth. Her body was already wanting to reject the sustenance but she forced herself to chew and swallow. When her throat threatened to close, she reached for the filled wine glass and downed half of it in one gulp.

"So…" he said hesitantly. "You wanna talk about it?"

"No," she bitterly spat out only to catch herself. That was wrong. She'd been holding her tongue, everything just festering inside of her like an apocalyptic boil on the ass of a fucking cave troll. In an attempt to restrain the urge to catapult herself over the table with fork in hand, she all too calmly set her eating utensils down and dabbed at the corner of her mouth with her napkin before looking up at him. "Yeah, actually I fucking do. I've got a couple of questions and I want some damn answers."

His brows lifted towards his hairline as though he was infinitely perplexed by her anger. "Um, okay?"

 _Oh just drop the fucking innocent act, Erik Fernandes!_ "What'd you do for lunch?"

"Oh christ," he groaned as he visibly relaxed. "You're pissed because I had to cancel."

She really wished that was all it was. Petty aggravation would be Disney World compared to the pain and rage that was at war in her chest. She'd been so sure that she'd finally found the one diamond in the rough among a sea of cubic zirconias. He was supposed to be her happily ever after, not the key to destroying her entire world. "Nope."

He gave a roll of his eyes and set his fork down. "Yeah. You are," he said matter of factly. "We've been together for two years, Alley Cat. I know when you're fucking pissed and I know how much you hate your schedule being fucked with."

She glared at him as though he'd sprouted another head, unable to comprehend why he was so adamant about keep up with the _not guilty_ charade. Her heart, in all of it's apparent lack of intelligence, tried to reason that maybe he didn't think she'd caught on but she knew better. He was way too damn smart for that. Everything with him was more planned out than her own damn life. The pounding in her head grew worse and she could hear her own heartbeat in her ears. "No," she seethed. "I'm fucking pissed because I'd like to know who the fuck that raven haired bitch was."

"What?"

Her top lip curled as she gripped the edge of the table to keep herself from slapping the dazed and confused look off of his face. "Cana came back from lunch and said she saw you out," she replied angrily. "With some black haired floozy!"

"Gray's sister, Ultear," he said sardonically. "You know Gray, your best friend's husband."

Her jaw dropped as she stared at her boyfriend incredulously. She couldn't believe the audacity he had to mock her. "I know who Natsu's fucking married to, Shithead," she sneered.

"Okay, then you do know she's married. Right?"

 _What the hell does that have to do with the price of rice in fucking China?_ Being married hadn't stopped anyone before. It hadn't stopped Sting, her ex, from lying about being single and keeping her ass on the side. Granted, it had been wholly different from the others, they just chose to find someone else other than her. For once it had been a man choosing her over another woman but it still made her detest a cheater even more. "And you've got a live in girlfriend!" she bellowed as she pushed back from the table to stand. "What? Does that just cancel shit out? It sure as hell doesn't fucking explain why my secretary saw your ass opening doors, hugging on her and kissing her fucking cheek?"

He stared up at her for a moment before expelling a heavy sigh and pushing up from the table. His hand slid into his pocket for a brief moment before it reappeared to toss something onto the table."Maybe because she's a damn jeweler and I had her design that for me."

Her gaze dropped to search for the source of the thud that came from the table and a sense of dread filled the void in her stomach when she saw the little red velvet box resting on the pristine table cloth. She blinked a few times to make sure that was indeed what she was seeing before she dared looking back up at him. _That can't be… No. He wasn't…_ She tried to swallow the knot that formed in her throat and tried to speak but not a damn sound would come out.

"Open it," he said with a careless gesture towards the table.

She glanced between him and the box a couple of times before she hesitantly reached out. Her hand trembled and she just knew the neighbors a floor down could hear the knocking of her knees. Fear replaced anger. "Wh-what is it?"

"Just fucking open the damn thing."

She bit her lip at the hissed reply and gave a small bob of her head. She prayed for earrings, perhaps a new pendant for her growing charm bracelet. Anything but she feared was inside. She fumbled with the lid before it popped open and all of the air rushed from her lungs. Nestled inside was the most beautiful ring she'd ever seen. It was unique with an antique quality. A dazzling princess cut diamond was framed by two marquis diamond leaves, the dainty, platinum band encrusted with smaller round diamonds. Tears pooled in her eyes as her knees weakened and she dropped to sit back down in her chair. "I'm such an ass," she breathed aloud.

"Yeah, but a beautiful ass."

She tore her watery gaze from the box and looked up to find him taking a knee beside her. His gaze was soft and the fingers that brushed away the tears that spilled over onto her cheeks even softer. "I th-thought… I j-just knew-" Her words died when he leaned in to press his lips to hers. She didn't deserve his affection or the gentle way he kissed her.

"I know what you were thinking," Erik said softly when he pulled back to take the box from her hand.

She watched him pull the small ring from the box and more tears flowed when he turned back towards her, the piece pinched between two fingers. Trust was not very easy for her and he'd never done a thing, before today, to make her second guess his loyalty. He'd gone above and beyond to show her daily that she was all he ever saw. Yet at the first inkling of something amiss, she'd immediately gone to the worst case scenario. She looked up to gaze around the room before looking back at him and her shoulders trembled with the sob she tried to restrain. He'd spent the afternoon preparing this. For her and she'd ruined it with her lack of faith. "I-I… I'm so-sorry," she whimpered. "S-s-so sorry."

A gentle smile settled on his lips, his thumb brushing at her cheek again before dropping to her left hand. "I know you've got fucking issues thanks to all the dumb ass losers before me," he said as his fingers laced with hers. "And I know I may not be the best catch in the world but Lucy, I really do love your ass."

Lucy tried to wipe at the never ending stream that flowed down her cheeks to no avail. "I lo-love you too, Erik," she sniffled. "So much it hurts."

"I can't imagine not being with you," he smiled softly. "And I'd like to spend the rest of my life proving I'm better than Loke and Sting and that one guy-"

"Hibiki," she interrupted.

His lip curled up into a sneer and he mumbled under his breath, "Fucking Jackass." He sighed and gave a shake of his head before holding the ring up for her to see. "Lucinda ' _Alley Cat_ ' Heartfilia-Dreyar, will you do me a favor and grow old with me?"

A watery laugh slipped from her lips and she gave a vigorous nod of her head. "Yes," she cried. "I don't deserve you but yes."

He slipped the ring onto her finger and reached up to frame her face. "You deserve a whole lot better than my sorry ass," he chuckled. "But too fucking bad because I'm not letting go."

"Why?" she sniffled. "I accused you of seeing someone else. I ruined this whole evening."

He grinned and pressed his forehead to hers. "Alley Cat, when are you gonna get it through the insane brain of yours that you're fucking everything to me? I'd rather you ruin every last one of my plans for the rest of my life than spend one minute without you."

He didn't give her a chance to respond before pressing his lips to hers and she instantly melted against him. Every time he kissed her it was like the first and she forgot to how to breathe. How she could have doubted him for a single second was beyond her and it flew by the wayside when their lips parted and his tongue delved into her mouth. Her arms slid around him and she clung to him as though he would disappear, because he truly was more than she could ever ask for.

His lips slowed and he gently nipped at her lips. "And you've got the loveliest skin," he mumbled against her mouth. "I can't wait to wear it."

A bark of laughter burst from the depths of her gut and she hugged herself tighter against his body. "And that's exactly why I'll say yes every damn time."

* * *

 **Again, Cobra wanted to show his friggin romantic side. And leave it to Lucy to almost ruin the moment. But in her defense, I've seen that happen. While a little bit of jealousy is normal, being over jealous can ruin a good thing. Trust your partner because without that, there isn't anything there to build on :(**

 **Her ring:**

 **www dot bluenile dot com / build - your - own - ring / petite - vintage - pave - leaf - diamond - ring - 14k - white - gold _ 49870**

 **Tune in tomorrow for Day 6 - Raspberry**

 **As always, please remember to follow, fav and review.**

 **Big Hugs,**

 **Princess Nana**


	6. Raspberry

**Welcome everyone to day 6 of CoLu week!**

 **This little prompt gave me fits, I have to admit. I had one thing planned but then another idea struck. But! It did get finished. Thank the gods.**

 **But, On to the reading.**

* * *

 **Day 6**

 **Raspberry**

"Erik! Wake up!"

His wife's panicked voice brought him out of a dead sleep and he shot up in bed. "The baby's coming!" he shouted sleepily as he tossed the bed covers aside. The doctor had said it would be any day now and that had been a week ago. So he just knew that was what it was. He was prepared, as always. Bags had been packed, clothes got laid out every night before bed. He stumbled towards the dresser and grabbed the t-shirt set out. "I'll go pu-" His words died as he spun to find his wife sitting there staring at him as though he'd lost his mind.

She was even more beautiful than the day he'd met her, sitting there with a sports bra and pajama pants that were pushed down under the large swell of her stomach. The pregnancy hadn't been planned in the least, just a little surprise they'd received after their first wedding anniversary. Apparently the old wives tales were true. Birth control and antibiotics didn't mix, dropping their ninety-nine percent effective rate down to somewhere in the damn negatives. It had been a shock but he could honestly say he was over the moon for the screw up. He loved her pregnant but even more, he loved that they were starting a family of their own. "What?"

Lucy blinked and scratched at her bed-head hair. "We're out of raspberry sorbet."

"What?" he blinked. Surely that could not be the fucking cause of her panicking.

"And chocolate sauce," she added.

This had to be a dream. It had to be. There was no way his angelic, albeit a little nuts, wife would ever wake him in the middle of the night because they were out of fucking ice cream. Right? Okay, so perhaps he'd heard the horror stories from his brother and his best friend and the guy next door. But they were just days out from being done. It was the home fucking stretch and she'd been an absolute doll through the entire process. So this seriously had to be a fucking dream. "You're shittin' me, right?"

"No, I woke up wanting some and we're out."

He stared at her for a few moments before balling the shirt in his hands and throwing at her damn face. "It's three o'clock in the goddamn morning, Alley Cat."

Her bottom lip slowly slid out into the fucking pout that got him every time and she gave him those damn puppy dog eyes that he hated. "But he wants it, Daddy."

He felt his resolve waver and he cursed under his breath. That fucking face of hers was like his kryptonite, telling her no had proved to be impossible when they'd first started dating. Usually he would go to hell and back for her, gladly. But really? He didn't want to get dressed and drive across town just to get a damn tub of sherbert. "And _Daddy_ wants more sleep," he groaned. "There's gotta be something in the house that will do until tomorrow."

"Nooo," she whined as she fell back onto the bed to rub her belly. "There's nothing, I checked and it's so hot."

 _Yes… Yes it is._ His eyes slid over her body, admiring the way her top did nothing to hide her enlarged chest and the low position of her sleep pants. When he'd said he loved her pregnant, he absolutely meant it. He'd never really considered it before but he was beginning to think that maybe he had some weird fetish. Her, pregnant. It had to be listed in some weird kink book somewhere. He walked back over to crawl onto the bed next to her, his face nuzzling into the crook of her neck. "Maybe you just need to be worn out so you can sleep," he grinned against her skin.

"No," she pouted as she pushed him away. "And besides, I don't think we're supposed to do that right now."

He blinked in shock. That definitely was not the woman he knew. First, ice cream in the middle of the night _and_ turning him down for sex? "The doc said exercise was good to get your labor started."

"I don't think that's what she meant, Erik."

"Well, she left it open."

Lucy's head fell to the side and she gave him a frown of disapproval. "I'm pretty sure I remember her telling me to walk, not screw your brains out."

A devious grin rose on his lips as he reached over to lightly caress her distended abdomen. "It'd be me fucking your brains out though."

"Sorbet, Tomcat."

And there it was. He just knew this was the beginning of the end for their sex life. She'd never want him again. He'd be horny and she'd be tired, all the time. "Fine," he groaned as he flung himself back towards the edge of the bed.

"I promise I'll make it up to you when you get back."

His eyes rolled as he pulled on his t-shirt. He knew with his luck that meant she'd just leave him be. "Yeah, okay."

"I will," she pouted. "You reminded me that I haven't had chocolate covered _Cobra_ in a while and now I want that too."

He blinked at the insinuation, knowing full well she'd long since perverted his college nickname. He didn't want to hope she meant what it sounded like she did. Having one rebuff for the evening was enough, thank you very fucking much. "Really?"

The only reply she gave was the pressing of her tongue into her cheek that followed the Devil's gleam twinkling in her coffee colored eyes. That was more than enough to set him into motion. He quickly slid on his flip flops and swiped his wallet from the dresser top. "I'll be back in just a few," he called out as he headed down the stairs. He'd never been more happy about moving from their downtown apartment to their house on the outskirts of town than he was right then. There was a twenty four hour grocery right down the road from their gated neighborhood and given the time of night, there'd be no one there.

* * *

Lucy turned the bathroom light off as she entered the bedroom and her brows furrowed when she glanced at the bedside clock. It had been almost an hour since her husband had dashed out of the house. The grocery store was only a ten minute drive away, fifteen if the school zone was active. But it was three-thirty in the morning, everyone else in town was still fast asleep in their beds. _What? Did he have to go churn the damn shit himself? Did they have to grow the fucking raspberries?_ She rolled her eyes and padded, more like waddled, back to the bed and was just sitting back down when her cell phone went off across the room.

 _Oh good lord, what the hell did he forget?_

She pushed back off of the bed with a groan, her hand going straight to the dull throbbing in her back. Her pregnancy had been relatively easy but she was more than over it. She hurt in places she didn't think she could ache and the braxton hicks had been kicking her ass for a week. The soundclip of Disturbed's _Down with The Sickness_ went into repeat before she could reach it and her brows furrowed when a number she wasn't familiar with flashed on the screen. A nervous quiver sprang to life as she reached for the phone and it was with hesitation that she tapped the answer symbol. "Hello?"

"Mrs. Fernandes?"

The formality in the woman's tone at the other end of the line did nothing to calm the flipping in her gut. "This is she."

"Mrs. Fernandes, this is Magnolia General Hospital…"

The phone slipped from her fingers and crashed to the floor with a resounding thud. _Oh god, no…_ Her fingers trembled as she grabbed for the dresser to steady herself as she precariously lowered herself to grab for the electronic device. A large crack streaked up the glass front and she bit her lip to keep from openly sobbing. He'd been on her constantly about getting a new case for the phone and she'd been forgetting to pick one up. This wasn't the time for her to go killing the damn thing. "S-sorry," she stuttered nervously as she put the phone back to her ear. "C-could you say th-that again?"

"There was an automobile accident and your husband's been brought here to the emergency room," the woman replied as though annoyed. "We need you to come down here if you could."

Lucy's free hand dropped to her stomach as bile rose up into her throat, the acidic burn threatening to choke her. This couldn't be happening, not now. "Is he alright? What happened?"

"Ma'am, the doctors are in with him now but we will need you to come in."

The fact that the woman wouldn't say only terrified her more. Her eyes immediately drew to the picture on the dresser top and the tears that welled in her eyes spilled over. It was taken on their honeymoon, the two of them pressed together on the beach lounger outside of their villa. "I-I'll be th-there shortly."

"Ask for Brittany at the desk when you arrive, Ma'am."

"Will do…"

The phone went silent and her hand dropped as her legs gave out. It wasn't her knees hitting the floor that rendered the sob from her throat but the wave of fear and helplessness that swept over her. It was all her fault. She'd been the one to send him out. _God… Why wouldn't they tell me if he was alright?_ Her eyes squeezed shut as the number of possibilities rushed through her head, pictures of accidents she'd seen on television adding to the mounting anxiety. She needed to get to the hospital. Wiping at her her face with one hand, she reached up to grab the dresser's edge to pull herself up but stopped when a pain shot across her lower abdomen. _Fuck… Not now you stupid ass Braxton Hicks!_

She tried again and pulled herself up from the floor with a huff, pushing the pain to the back of her mind. There wasn't time for that. Pulling open one of the drawers, she swiped at the phone's face in search of her contacts. She hit the star button and tapped her brother's picture as she pulled a t-shirt out. She set the call to speaker and set the phone down. One ring. Two rings. _Goddamn it, Laxus. Wake the hell-_

"What's wrong, Bunny? Is it time?"

She stretched the shirt over her belly and glanced down at the phone to make sure she had the right number. Despite the fact that her brother and Gajeel were married, she hadn't really expected the groggy rasp of the latter's voice at the other end of the line. "No, but Erik's been in an accident."

"What? Are you two ok? What the fuck were you guys doing out? What about the baby? What hosp-"

"Breathe, Gaj!" she groaned to cut off the tirade of questions. And she'd thought Erik was overprotective when it came to her pregnancy and the baby. Her brother and his husband were a million times worse, handling her with kid gloves and showering the little shit with crap he wouldn't even be able to use for several years at the least. They'd even gone as far as setting up a room in their home, just for the kid and he wasn't even there yet. "I wasn't with him but the hospital isn't telling me anything over the phone."

"We'll be there in a second."

The call disconnected and she hurriedly slipped on the first pair of flats she came across in the closet. She couldn't give a single fuck that she looked like the cover girl for RedNeck's Weekly with her fuschia shoes, Hello Kitty pajama pants and Megadeth t-shirt. Being thirty-nine weeks along and it being almost four in the morning, they were lucky she had anything on at all. She quickly put her hair up in a messy bun and was trying to navigate the stairs when the front door opened.

"Lulu?"

She practically sighed in relief when her brother came into view on the first floor landing. It really was beneficial having him live just next door, especially when time was precious. "Grab my purse?"

"I got the purse," Gajeel called out from the living room. "You just get Bunny."

Laxus took the steps two at a time and bent down to lift her bridal style. "We got this," he frowned. "Now, wanna tell me what the fuck my dumb ass Brother-in-Law was doing out to get into an accident?"

Lucy wanted to recoil at the question, the rushing around being over only allowed for the severity of the situation to settle back in. "I… I sent him out to the store," she whispered as he carried her out towards his truck.

"What the hell did you need at three o'clock in the damn morning, Lu?"

"Laxy, lay the hell off. She's already upset enough as it is."

As much as she appreciated Gajeel stepping in to protect her, it only made her feel even worse. Laxus was right. She really didn't need the sorbet or the chocolate. _Not bad enough for him to go and die…_ The thought tightened her throat and brought a fresh wave of tears to her eyes. She didn't want to think that. He wasn't dead, she had no reason to think that. Surely if that was the case, they would have told her something. Right? _Or maybe that's why they didn't…_

"Shit," Laxus growled as he set her down in the passenger seat. "Lu, don't cry. Everything'll be okay."

She could only nod in reply for fear that everything wouldn't. Her hand dropped to rub over her tight stomach and began to pray. She didn't go to church as often as she should nor did she pray every day, but she silently cried out for help from above. She still needed him more, their unborn son needed him.

* * *

" _Mr. Fernandes, you can't get up and just leave. Your wife-"_

" _Is at home, waiting for me to bring her the goddamn raspberry sorbet!"_

"As you can hear, he is quite well Mrs. Fernandes. Just a matter of a broken leg and slight concussion."

Lucy blinked at the closed examination room door before looking back at the young, blonde man. "Has he been like this the entire time, Doctor Tearm?" she asked as she listened to her husband rage on the nurse in the next room. She didn't even feel sorry for the girl. Brittany deserved all of his and her rage, given the doctor advised that she was supposed to have let Lucy know that his injuries were not life threatening.

"Yes, I am afraid so," Doctor Tearm chuckled. "I will let you go in and see him now, we're hoping that calms him down."

She gave a nod before glancing back at Laxus and Gajeel, both throwing their hands up. They were aptly declining to go in and she couldn't really blame them. Her husband was a downright asshole when he was in a mood. Correction, he was always an asshole but even more so when he chose to be. And he had a right to be. It had been a drunk driver that had hit his car. With a sigh, she turned towards the door and slowly waddled over to gently push it open.

"Mr. Fernandes, please. For the love of all that's holy, sit still until they come in to wrap your leg."

"No! You are _not_ stealing my damn soul, Ginger Rogers!"

She bit her lips to keep from laughing at the scene before her. Brittany couldn't have been more than five feet tall and probably weighed at all of ninety pounds, soaking wet. The redhead groaned in frustration while trying fruitlessly to hold all six foot, one hundred and ninety-one pounds that was her husband down on the bed. "Erik, listen to the doctor and stay in the damn bed."

Erik's head shot up, his eyes peeking over the top of the nurse's shoulder. "Alley Cat?"

"I told you she was on her way, Mr. Fernandes." Brittany sighed as she slid off of the side of the bed. "I will just leave him to you, hit the call button if you need anything."

She waited until the exam room door closed behind the little soulless bitch of a nurse before making her way to the side of the bed. The discoloration of a black eye was already forming around his right eye, a stitched up gash ran from just above his brow down to his cheekbone. She frowned, knowing it would scar. A few scrapes and scratches littered his perfect skin. But the blessing was that he was alive. "You have no damn clue how scared I was," she finally said as she reached up to brush a stray lock of hair from his forehead.

"I can imagine," he frowned. "I'm just fucking glad it was me and not you."

"I would've preferred it not be either of us."

"Well, me too but bad news is I left the fucking sorbet in the car."

A peel of laughter bubbled up but quickly died when she felt what she could only describe as a pop, the sensation followed by warmth spreading between her legs. _That… That's not…_ "Fuck the sorbet," she mumbled as she slid a hand under the hem of her shirt.

"I'll get some more on the way home."

Her face pinched in a grimace when her fingers found the crotch of her pajama pants damp and she pulled them from under the material. There wasn't any red and she brought it up to her nose, thinking perhaps she'd pissed herself. _Well… At least we're already at the hospital._ "We won't be leaving here for a while," she said as she reached for the call button on the bed railing.

"The hell we won't," Erik scoffed. "We're leaving as soon as they wrap my leg and I'm getting you that damn raspberry sorbet."

She felt another cramp, that she'd previously thought were just another series of Braxton Hicks, before her belly tightened. "No, Tomcat," she groaned as she lowered herself into the chair beside the bed. "The sorbet's gonna have to fucking wait."

"Why?"

Lucy looked back up at the bed to find her husband furrowing his brows. "Because apparently your damn son decided he wants to come out and get it himself."

* * *

 **Seriously, this was the longest prompt in my set to date. It wanted to go sideways on me a few times but thankfully my triplet, _Leoslady4ever_ , totally stepped in and saved me on it. Thank you triplet sister for always believing in me! And now we know how Cobra/Erik gets his scar in the AU. Because... we can't have our little ball of fluffy hatred without his sexy scar.  
**

 **I know you guys have been expecting smut but comedy and this little piece is what has come to mind for these guys. It is coming though muwahaha  
**

 **Tune in tomorrow for Day 7 - Energy.  
**

 **Big hugs,**

 **Princess Nana**


	7. Energy

**Welcome everyone to Day 7 of CoLu week!**

 **I honestly didn't think I'd have a post for this prompt, the idea coming in last minute. A huge thank you to my triplet,** _ **Gemnika**_ **for inspiring this little tidbit hehehe.**

 **But! Onto the reading!**

* * *

"Mommy! Daddy!"

Lucy's eyes slammed open and she slowly turned her head to glare at the bedside clock. Two o'clock and she had work in the morning. That meant getting up at four so that she could get herself ready and then getting hers and Erik's three-year-old son up, dressed and fed so they could get out the door for six. And said three years old was now up, again, screaming his fucking face off. She loved her life, without a doubt but having a toddler who had night terrors was wearing her thin. The other side of the bed shifted and her hand shot out to latch onto her husband's arm. "I've got it."

"Alley Cat," Erik replied sleepily. "You got up last night."

 _Don't remind me._ She let go to toss her covers back and swung her legs over the side of the bed. "Nope," she replied shortly. "I'm fixing this once and for all." She saw the look of doubt her husband gave her, the scar over his right eye lengthened with the arch of his thin brow. "Neither of us have the energy to keep getting up like this."

She ignored the grunt he gave in response as she pulled her robe over her thin negligee. Her legs still balked at the movement, the insides of her thighs sore from the rigorous pace he'd set during sex just a couple of hours before. He'd warned her after dinner that he was going to pound her into the bed after Hemlock was put down for the night. And he sure as hell did not lie. He'd pounded her into the bed alright and straight through the floorboards into his home office on the first floor. She wasn't complaining, though. She liked it rough and good lord did he know that.

Dragging her feet down the hall, she cursed under her breath when she stubbed her toe on the fire truck left sitting out. Between Hemmy's toys and Erik's, she had long since resigned herself to the fact that she'd mostly likely die from tripping over them in the dark. Without looking, she was only too aware of the fact that there had to be permanent lego indentions on the soles of her feet. Those little fuckers hurt the worst but her husband had _insisted_ that a boy was not a boy without them. He spoiled their son worse than her brother and his husband did and everyone knew those two lavished that kid with anything and everything. He literally wanted for nothing.

She opened the door to Hemlock's room to find him sitting up on the bed with his sheets thrown over his head. It was rather fitting really, looking like a ghost, considering his insane fear of the boogie man. She was going to strangle her friend, Natsu, for introducing the poor boy to that shit. It had been a huge mistake to allow him and his life partner to babysit. She'd known that before it ever happened but they'd been in a bind. Mira, their usual sitter, and her husband, Rogue, had the same plans that they had. The annual fundraiser for the mental health community.

"Sweetheart," she said softly as she made her way over to the bed. "What's all this fussing about?"

The small boy slowly pulled the covers off to reveal a much younger version of her husband's face, his matching amethyst eyes welled up with tears. "Der's a monster under the bed, it trying to get me."

 _Of course, there is. Natsu, you're so fucking dead._ She shook her head with a heavy sigh before reaching out to pull the small boy into her lap. Brushing his messy wine colored hair back, she pressed her lips to his forehead. "Hemmy, there's no monsters under the bed."

"Uh huh, Momma," he sniffled as he snuggled up against her. "I hears it scratching."

She had a pretty good idea just what her son had heard, if he had indeed heard anything at all, and gave a roll of her eyes. "I promise, there are no such thing as monsters."

"Can I come sleep with you and Daddy?"

 _Not no, but hell no._ It had been a habit they'd tried to not start, but there had been some exceptions made when they'd just been too tired to properly deal. But he was three now, he had to learn to sleep in his own room. "No, Love," she said as she picked the boy up and set him back on the bed. "We've told you that there's no more sleeping in our bed. You have to sleep in your bed.

Hemlock rubbed at his tired eyes, his bottom lip trembling. "B-but the monster, Momma."

 _Why must parenting be so damn difficult?_ She hated to play the bad guy, his tears, and sad face pulled at her heart strings. Well, just enough to make her sort of feel bad but she had to fix this. Once and for all. "Hemlock Javier Fernandes," she said sternly as she stood up from the bed. "There are no such thing as monsters but just for you, I'll check under the bed. Deal?" She heard a soft snicker from the doorway and narrowed her eyes as she glanced over. She didn't see him but there wasn't a doubt in her mind that her husband was out there laughing at her expense.

"Okay, Momma but watch out," the small boy sniffled. "I don't want the 'Rilla monster to get you."

 _Fucking gorilla monster._ She lowered herself to kneel on the floor beside the bed, the rug burn on her knees making her wince. Lifting the covers, she bent down to look under the bed and she sighed when her suspicions were confirmed. "There's no Gorilla Monster under here," she started as she reached under the bed. "But there is a-OW! SHIT! OH GODDAMNIT YOU LITTLE COCKSUCKER!"

Her son's shrill voice rang out in a scream to accompany her litany of foul curses but she couldn't give a single shit at the moment. Her oh-so-thoughtful husband had brought a kitten home, claiming Hemmy needed a pet. She hated that little orange furball from hell. Her drapes and the corners of her couch was paying hell thanks to the stupid spawn of satan that was Bob-Bob. Hemlock still struggled with his favorite cartoon character's name, changing it from Spongebob to what he had insisted they name the cat. The bastard had latched onto her hand, thinking it was time to play and the little razor claws from the underworld were trying to shred her skin as she yanked said hell spawn out from his hiding place.

She slung the godforsaken creature towards the door and bit her lip to keep from filling the room with more shouts as she tenderly inspected the damage done. She was already choosing which Chinese restaurant she was going to deposit that cat behind as she looked up to find her son sobbing under the covers. _Son of a fucking bitch._ She let out another heavy sigh and pulled the sleeve of her robe back down to cover the multitude of claw marks that now littered her flesh. "Hemmy," she sighed as she sat back down on the bed. "It was the cat. There are no monsters under the bed."

"But it gotted you," came the muffled reply.

Her patience now demolished to zero, she reached up and pulled the sheet off to expose the boy's tear-stained face. "Hemlock, it wasn't a monster. The stupid cat was under your bed and got me," she said as she pulled the boy down and pressed him back against the bed. "There are no such things as monsters, ghosts or ghouls. Now, it's time to go to sleep so close your eyes and go night night."

"But, Momma…"

"No, Son," she said firmly as she stood up. "You are not coming to sleep in my bed."

"What about the closet monster?"

Before she could stop herself, the words flew out of her mouth. "He's sleeping like normal people so just don't go look!" She watched her son's eyes widen in fear and she instantly began mentally kicking herself. _Mom of the year. That so fucking cinched it._ "Hemmy, that was a joke. He doesn't exist either so go back to sleep."

The boy gave a watery nod of his head before rolling over and closing his eyes tight. "Night Night, Momma."

His little defeated voice pulled at her heartstrings but there was just no taking that shit back. She'd let her temper get away with her and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. If Erik was still out there, she knew without a doubt he'd rib her for that crap for the next several years. She was married to an anger management therapist and there were too many times to count that she'd let her anger overpower her. Oh well.

She turned back for the door and hit the overhead light switch before pulling his door half way closed. Her only desire at that point was to go back and hopefully get a couple of more hours of sleep before she had to be up. The thought crossed her mind to call her brother in the morning and tell his ass that she wasn't coming in but they were ramping up for the upcoming Christmas season. It was all hands on deck.

"You are pure fucking evil."

She gave a start at the unexpected sound of Erik's voice from their darkened corner of the hallway. _Here we go._ She waved a hand dismissively at him as she trudged past. "And to think," she grumbled. "You married me."

"I did," he replied as he fell into step just behind her. "And I'd do it again but did you really just have to confirm there's a damn closet monster?"

She stopped at the end of the bed and spun around to glare at him. "It's all your damn fault! You and that stupid cat!"

The corners of his lips pulled up into a grin as he moved closer to slip his arms around her waist. "Don't blame Bob-Bob," he chuckled as he dipped his head to nuzzle the curve at the base of her neck. "He just wanted to play."

"Play my ass," she growled as she tried in vain to push away. "Let go so I can go back to bed."

He hummed against her skin before his teeth gently nipped at her. "We're awake now and you're all angry."

Her eyes gave a roll as his tongue swept over her skin and she hated (and loved) the fact that she shivered against him involuntarily. Damn him for know her weak spots. "Which means you should let me go back to sleep," she attempted to reason. But the way his hands curled around her ass as he pulled her flush against him screamed that he wasn't having it.

"You know how much I love it when you're angry."

Oh she did and she didn't need the evidence of his arousal that was pressing against her as proof. Their arguments always turned into some of the best sex sessions to date, and that was saying something. He was like a fucking god in bed, had been since day one and he only seemed to get better with age. "Y-yeah," she stammered breathlessly as his teeth scraped against the fleshy part of her earlobe. "B-but we've both got work in the morning."

"We can just play hooky," he moaned as his hands gripped her under the curve of her ass.

A squeal of surprise slipped from her lips as he hoisted her up, her legs and arms instinctively wrapping around him without thought. The hard length of him pressed against her pantiless core, the only barrier between them being the shorts he must have slipped on before following her to their son's room. She bit her lip to suppress the involuntary moan that threatened to betray her _resistance_ as he carried her across the room, every step jarring her just enough to create friction against her clit. "Th-the bed," she tried in vain to argue. "I'm tired."

"I think you've got enough energy for another round," he grinned as he set her down on the edge of their dresser. "At least the kitty downstairs seems to think so."

As if to punctuate his words, his hips thrust up against her which only intensified the drag of his arousal against her. She didn't need to confirm his words with her fingers, she could already feel the evidence of her own arousal beginning to spread. "This isn't very fair," she whimpered when his lips moved to tease hers.

"So says the evil alley cat."

Her reply died in her throat, escaping as a moan of pleasure as his lips captured hers. No matter how long they were together, his lips were still magical as fuck. But then so was the rest of him. His fingers ignited trails of fire as they freed her from the confines of her robe and his covered arousal sparked an overflow of molten lava as he rubbed against her. It didn't matter that he'd completely worn her out earlier, she needed to feel him again and it showed in the urgency in which her fingers pushed at the waistband of his boxers.

No words were needed as their lips and tongue feverishly worked against each other. Actions spoke louder than any declaration of need as he pushed her gown up around her waist and she freed him from the confines of his shorts. The teasing he'd lavished on her earlier gone as he drove into her already slicked core in one violent thrust, shaking the dresser beneath her with its force. "O-oh fuck!" she moaned as her head fell back.

His teeth scraped against the exposed strip of flesh, his growl reverberating against as he paused long enough to slip his arms under her legs. "Shit, Alley Cat," he grunted. "I love how fucking tight you are."

She'd always been a fan of his voice, the raspy sound always lit every single fire she had. But when he was aroused it took on a deeper, breather quality that never failed to make a beeline straight to her core. Her sex was already fluttering in its renewed need for release and that only heightened it. His fingers dug into her ass, pulling her to the edge of her perch as his hips set a fast and hard pace. "Oh g-god," she stammered. "D-don't stop. R-right th-there."

His pace slowed and she whimpered in disappointment. "I thought you were too damn tired," he teased as he reached up to grab a handful of her hair.

"Shut up," she growled as she moved her hands to his hips in an attempt to spur him on.

"And if I don't?"

She dug her fingernails into his skin as a devious grin rose on her lips. He might know her every single one of her triggers but she definitely knew his in return. Leaning in to press herself against his chest, her lips lightly skirted the shell of his ear. "Because I'm still walking," she teased. "And I believe you said earlier that I wouldn't be walking after you were done."

A determined growl rumbled in his chest and before she could fully process his intent, he'd managed to withdraw and pull her with him. He easily spun her and pressed her down against the dresser's top, his hand holding her cheek to the cool wood surface. Her legs quivered in anticipation, her core clenching for what she knew was to come as his arousal came to rest against her opening.

"Well let me fucking rectify that for you."

His words were punctuated with the glorious feel of him sheathing himself inside of her once more. She bit her lip to keep from crying out in pain and pleasure as he slammed against the end of her channel and yet she pushed back for more. He wasn't gentle as he set a hard and fast past, every thrust forcing her against the dresser. And as though it weren't enough, his fingers buried in her hair once more and pulled to lift her head.

"I want you to watch me fuck you into oblivion, Alley Cat."

And watch she did. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the mirrored image of his caramel colored fingers digging into the pale skin of her ass. Or the way the muscles in his arms tensed with every thrust. Or the fact that he looked every part the latino god she proclaimed him to be. His amethyst eyes darkened with lust, his pupils dilated as his gaze held hers. She'd seen their lovemaking on video a million times but this was completely different. It was live. She could see exactly what he did to her as she felt it. It was sensory overload and her eyes threatened to close.

"Don't you fucking dare," Erik growled as he pulled harder on her hair. "Keep those pretty eyes of yours open and look at me."

That only drove her further as his hips curled into his thrust, the head of his cock hitting that delicious spot inside of her just right. "Oh go-Fuck!" It was too much for her to take as he continued his onslaught. Her eyes rolled and her fingernails dug fruitlessly at the wooden surface as the cord inside of her suddenly snapped. "Fu-ERIK!"

"Tha- Fuck!"

Fireworks erupted behind her lids as she felt him follow her over the edge, the sensation of him erupting inside of her only propelling her higher into ecstasy. She'd only thought her orgasm earlier in the night had been earth shattering but this was on a whole new level. And she could only ride out the waves as they slammed into her until it finally began to ebb. "Fu-fuck…" she exhaled as she slumped against the dresser for support.

"How the… How the hell do you get better at this shit?" he chuckled breathlessly.

She smiled when he collapsed against her, his sweaty skin feeling cool against her own overheated body. "Me? You're the fucking energizer bunny."

He laughed and pressed his lips against the nape of her neck. "According to Gaj, you're the damn bunny around here."

"That's because he hasn't fucked you."

"Ok, erection successfully killed."

A bark of laughter erupted from her lips. "Tomcat, I'm thinking it was you popping your lo-"

"Mommy?"

Lucy suddenly froze at the muffled sound of her son's sleepy voice and she was never more happy to have a damn door in her life. That was the last thing she needed to explain. "Go back to bed, Love," she called out as she pushed back against her husband's body.

"Are you alwight?" Hemlock called through the door. "I hears you and Daddy screaming."

She heard Erik's snicker despite his attempt to conceal it and she turned to glare at him. This was not fucking funny. "Yeah, we just stubbed our toes."

"We stubbed something alright," Erik whispered.

Unable to control herself, she slapped at his arm and grinned when he looked at her as though she lost her mind. _Serves you right, Asshole._ "Go on back to bed, Love and I'll be in there in just a moment to tuck you back in."

"Yes ma'am," came the muffled reply before the sound of his footie covered feet scurried away.

"Well, that wasn't very fucking nice."

Her eyes narrowed before she turned to head towards their bathroom. She needed to clean herself up before she went anywhere. Spotting his face cloth on the counter, she quickly wet it and did a half-assed job of wiping her legs down in her hurry. She'd shower in the morning and at this rate, there was no damn way she was going to make it into work. "You'd better be in bed when I come back," she warned her husband as she made her way back across the bedroom.

"Alley Cat?"

She opened the door and paused to look back. "What?"

"I love you."

He flashed her that smile she'd fallen in love with so many years ago and she wanted to just punch him in his handsome ass face. She couldn't stay mad, not when he looked at her as though she were still the only woman in the world. "I love you too," she sighed. "But you'd still better be in bed."

"Why?"

She gave a shrug of her shoulder and grinned. "Because I'm still walking."

* * *

 **So, the smut was totally not planned but Cobra… he does some funny stuff in my head when I write him. He's not just a steaming, fluffy ball of hatred. He's a perv… as you can see, and I love him all the more for it.**

 **Hope you guys enjoyed my take on energy. I really am so happy that you guys have been enjoying the comedy with these two. It's just where my head goes when Cobra and Lucy... Ok, Cobra and anyone comes to mind.  
**

 **Tune in tomorrow for the bonus and final day, Aurora.**

 **As always, please remember to follow, fav and review!**

 **Big Hugs,**

 **Princess Nana**


	8. Aurora

**Welcome everyone to the last day of CoLu week.**

 **I just have to give a huge thank you to everyone who reviewed and loved this couple as they were written. The idea for this prompt struck from a conversation with coworkers and then this was born lol.**

 **On to the reading!**

* * *

It was the odd, prickling sensation of being watched that pulled Erik from his sleep. As he became aware of his surroundings, he could feel the hand of his wife resting on his stomach, her soft but steady breathing tickling the edge of his bare shoulder. The house was quiet, no creaking or settling. There was just the heavy sound of breathing to the right accompanied by a soft nasal wheeze. He didn't even need to open his eyes to know who it was. She'd been sneaking every night for a week. The little evil troll that she was. Cute as fuck but evil none the less. "Aurora Madeline Fernandes…"

A soft glow shone through his eyelids and his brows furrowed. It wasn't bright enough to be the overhead lamp and too dim to be her trusty flashlight. His eyes snapped open to find his and Lucy's three year old daughter leaning over him. Her maroon hair looked like she'd been riding on the back of the wicked witch's broom and he wouldn't doubt that she had. Her wide, amethyst eyes were narrowed with the angelic smile that dimpled her cheeks. The source of the light was that stupid ass glow bear that her uncle and his wife's brother insisted she needed. "What are you doing, Creeper?"

Her full, little lips poked out in a pout as she clutched her bear tighter. "I not cweepah."

"You are if you sneak to watch people sleeping."

The little girl's head canted as though his words confused her and a tired chuckle slipped from his lips. Despite needing to be back up in a few hours for work, he couldn't exactly be mad. Even if it did give him the fucking willies that she was watching him. That was the kind of shit Bundy did to his parents. Reaching over, he smoothed her tousled hair. "Why are you out of bed, kitten?"

"You fart, Daddy," she giggled softly.

There was no denying that she was as insane as his wife. "So do you," he grumbled as he glanced over at the clock on the nightstand. _Three-fifteen._ Every night, it was the same time. It fueled his belief that the child should've been named Damian. She was the spawn of Satan or something close to it. That's what all of Lucy's scary movies had taught him. "Again, why are you out of bed?"

"I not tired."Three and somewhere round abouts was the Devil's hour. "Again, why are you out of your bed?"

"I not tired."

Because that made all the sense. The child had boundless energy, running him and Lucy ragged on a daily basis. His brother often said it was their mother's curse visited upon him but he vehemently disagreed. He wasn't a bad kid. He'd been nothing but angelic, at least in his mind. "And you just decided that watching me sleep was more fun?"

She gave bob of her head and smiled. "Uh-huh."

"What's wrong?"

The tired, yawned voice of his wife preceded her warmth suddenly attaching itself to his side and his arm naturally went about her shoulder. "Nothing," he grumbled before planting a kiss atop the blonde head laid on his chest. "Except for the fact your creepy ass kid decided to come in and watch me sleep."

Lucy's head lifted, her eyes narrowing up at him in warning before she turned her attention to their child. "Aurora, Baby. You should be in bed."

"Daddy fart ina sleep!"

Erik was barely able to contain his groan. He didn't pass gas in his sleep and if one slipped, so fucking what? Everyone had to let one go at some point. It's what the human body did but he sure as hell didn't need his three year old daughter telling the damn world about it. "And that's all she'll say," he added. "It's creeping me out."

His wife shook her head and rolled away to lift the covers on her side of their king sized bed. "Come on, Kitten. Come get in on Mommy's side."

"Better watch out," he smirked. "She's gonna start saying redrum next."

Lucy's elbow forced its way into his side, purposely. "Would you hush it?"

"What redrum is?"

"See what you did?"

He bit at his lips when his wife's head slowly turned and she curled her lip at him. He didn't exactly relish pissing her off but she was pretty fucking sexy when she was angry. Of course, this really wasn't the opportune time. It would be a little hard to rip her night shirt off and pound her into the mattress. His arousal seemed to disagree when it twitched in his sleep shorts. _Damn kid…_ "Told you," he shrugged. "Creeper."

"Daddy creeper!"

A smug smile rose on Lucy's face before she turned to tuck the child in beside her. "That's right, Baby," she cooed. "Daddy's a big creeper."

"You've got room to talk, _Evil_ Alley Cat," he grumbled. The urge to slap her ass pulled at him strong but he fought the sudden urge, knowing where it would end up. Sexless and bedless. She liked spankings. A lot. He liked giving them to her even more. But it was definitely a huge no-no with the kids anywhere around. "And what about your brother?" he questioned as he turned over to spoon against his wife's sexy backside.

"He sweepin'," Aurora yawned as she snuggled down.

 _At least someone is._ He grimaced at the fact that he was now firmly wide awake and was down to only two and a half hours left to sleep. The next day was going to be hellacious given he had more than a full day of appointments. He punched at his pillow and settled down, a groan slipping from his lips when his wife's ass squirmed against him. "Probably already kil-" he started to mumble before a heel connected with his shin. "Ow! Goddamn it that hurt."

"Erik…" came Lucy's warned reply.

"Dat's not Ewik, Mommy. Dat's Daddy."

It was Erik's turn to don the smug smile as he reached over his wife to pat his daughter's head. "You tell her, Aurora."

"Oh god," Lucy groaned. "Don't encourage her."

If that wasn't the pot calling the kettle black, he didn't know what was. She was the world's worst when it came to encouraging the little spawn of hell. It certainly didn't help that the two seemed to feed off of each other's _crazy_. "Why?" he asked with a poke to her side. "You do."

"That's completely different."

He stared at the back of his wife's head before he lifted up on his elbow. "How the hell is it different?"

Lucy turned her head to look up at him, that scary ass _I just ate a baby_ grin spread across her face. "I'm her mother, we do those kind of things."

There were a ton of smart ass comments he could make but the little munchkin staring up at him from the opposite side of the bed held him fast. They'd learned the hard way just how fast little ears picked up on foul language, their little mouths too quick to repeat every fucking word. Lucien, their son, was a damn parrot and Aurora was no better. He fell back to the bed and mentally resigned himself to attempt getting back to sleep.

"Hemmy fart like Daddy."

 _Oh god. Please just go to fucking sleep!_

"See?" Lucy said sleepily.

The only thing he saw was that his evil minion of a daughter wasn't going to just go quietly to sleep. "Yes," he grumbled. "And she's creepy like you."

"I Mommy's good girl," Aurora giggled happily.

The sound of a kiss followed before his wife replied. "Yes you are, now let's go to sleep."

"I not tired."

 _I could make you tired. Really quick. Just one good hit to the head._ He'd never do it but there were times that she tested the very limits of his patience. Their son had been a fucking cake walk compared to her, night terrors and all.

"Yes you are," Lucy yawned.

"No."

Eric gave another groan before reaching to pull his pillow over his head. He'd gladly take a kink in his neck if it meant he'd get a couple of more hours of sleep. It was all his wife's fault anyway that the child insisted on crawling into bed with them every night. "Then watch Mommy sleep," he said before pulling his leg back to avoid another kick.

"Don't tell her that."

His wife's shrill reply was muffled by the pillow barrier and he sighed contentedly. "Why?"

"It's creepy."

 _That's exactly what I've been fucking saying!_ His teeth clenched to keep himself from being the smart ass he always was. The possible argument just wasn't worth it at that point. He just wanted sleep. "Exactly," he said as he righted his arm around Lucy's waist. "Now can we go back to sleep, please?"

* * *

 **Cobra as a daddy was too cute to pass up and he needed a kiddo that was just like him to complete things LOL. And I know… two shorts featuring their children but for those of us that have them… They sort of become your life to a point.**

 **The next update for Sound Pod should be coming along soon. I've started working on my personal project and I am rather enjoying it. Outside of SP though, it will be a little bit until I see you guys again. You can always reach me via PM here on fanfic or on tumblr. Thank you very much for understanding the need to take a step back for a while. I promise I'm not going away permanently, just need a break to regroup. I love you all and will see you later!**

 **Big hugs,**

 **Princess Nana**


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